My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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