New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry about my life...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
