A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
