cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
