dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
