Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
