just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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