Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
