girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
