when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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