I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
