i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
