You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
