He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
