i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
