you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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