my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize