I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize