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This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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