I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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