I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
