I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
