apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
