Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
