Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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