We're facebook friends in real life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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