Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
