I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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