You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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