I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
