im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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