me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
