The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
