Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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