I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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