I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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