I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
