All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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