You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
