The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
