My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
