I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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