Four minutes until I can fart!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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