Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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