So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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