Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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