i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
