Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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