It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
