No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
false alarm, still single
Randomize
