Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
