Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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