I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
