Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
