Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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