We're facebook friends in real life
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
