My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize