Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
