it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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