yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
