sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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