She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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