He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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