Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
