I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You ruined the universe
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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