then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
