girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
