Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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