I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
