I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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