Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
