Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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