My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
