dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
