is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
