..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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