whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
