These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
