I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
